How Dating a Narcissist Changes You

Being in a relationship can be very exciting. Learning about what they like and dislike, making memories together, and maybe even planning a future. However, not all relationships are filled with promise, some can be upsetting and dark, and in the case of someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder, that can really make a difference in how they act and talk with you.

Being in a narcissistic relationship can be filled with emotional abuse and can cause you to develop self esteem issues. The goal of a narcissist is to wear a person down and be in total control of their partner.

If you are dating a narcissist/have dated a narcissist and you think that you have changed, then this list below will help you recognise what is happening in your relationship and how it has affected you so you can make a change and work towards being free.

So, if you want to know how dating a narcissist changes you, then read on. On a personal note – the narcissistic abuse you are suffering from is not your fault, your mental health matters and your life is important, never forget that.

What Dating a Narcissist is Like

A narcissistic partner will do things that make you question your own thoughts that make your self respect and self confidence take a dive. Nothing will make a narcissist change their behaviour, so bear that in mind if you think you can alter or tweak their personality and actions. Their traits are –

Gaslighting

Someone with a narcissistic personality disorder does not like to be wrong at all, they think they are right 100% of the time and will not let you win in an argument or slight disagreement. Because of this, they will try and manipulate and control anyone who thinks or feels differently from them, making the person in question doubt their own thoughts.

Moving Fast in Romantic Relationships

They may feel worried that the person they are with will leave them, so they tend to move incredibly fast through relationship milestones (love bombing) so they can hear the words they long for. Once they know that they have you hooked in, that is when the manipulation comes out to make you stay with them.

They may show a hot and cold effect towards you at points that push you away and pull you back, it can turn into a narcissistic relationship pattern that happens frequently because they may see you slipping or trying to put up healthy boundaries which they don’t respond to well.

Acting Jealous

When you have a narcissistic partner you may notice that in very normal situations they have narcissistic traits such as jealousy. They see every person as competition and they don’t like to lose. They may become jealous if you talk to someone else when with them or you put a priority over your family instead of them for something.

Potential Physical Abuse

This may turn into an outburst that brings on physical abuse in some cases. They will blame you for the way they react and say that you provoked them into it. This can cause post traumatic stress disorder and can affect future relationships.

Not Showing Empathy

Due to their narcissistic behavior, they do not show empathy to others mainly because they don’t feel it.

They are not able to relate to other people’s pain and worry, all they care about is their own wellbeing, and if you do not show them that you feel for them and care, it causes them to develop a bad mood and they may give you the silent treatment or say put downs that make you feel insecure self conscious.

How Dating a Narcissist Has Changed Who You Are

After reading the above, you probably have come to some realisation that your partner has done one, if not all, of these things to you, or acted out in some way that makes you feel like it is all your fault. This is jarring to think about and it will make you look at yourself and see how you have changed.

Your Confidence is Knocked

Before you were with them, you probably were quite confident with who you were. Maybe you loved to laugh loudly with friends, felt good in the clothes you wore, and felt like you were being your true self.

But then you started dating them, and now you worry about your self image because they constantly criticize what you wear or the make-up you do. You avoid conflict as you know it will start something else. You don’t feel confident enough to raise any issues or set healthy relationship boundaries with them for certain things.

You Feel Isolated With a Loss of Identity

They try and make themselves the only person that you talk to, they start to isolate you and pull you away from family and friends, making you lose your identity in the process as you forget who you really are anymore.

They make you feel so alone that they are the only one you can speak to and confide in, but when you do so they gaslight you into thinking that you are wrong and put self doubt in your mind which could make you question your own sanity. They can make you cut ties completely with others which can also make you feel trapped.

You Defend Their Abuse

The abuse that a narcissist gives comes in different ways, from emotional abuse to getting abused physically. If this is your first romantic relationship then you may not know the right or wrong way that a relationship should be, so when they act this way, you believe that it is normal, so if anyone brings up the way you’re acting or a bruise on you, you defend them.

You try and excuse their toxic behavior with everyone and put their needs above your own needs. You find it hard to see the clearing through the trees. They have this personal power over you that keeps you there.

You Have Serious Trust Issues

Trust is a big part of relationships, and without trust, it is hard to build a strong foundation filled with mutual respect and love. When you are with someone with a narcissistic personality disorder you are worried about saying anything in case of being yelled at or opening yourself up to others.

Impacts New Relationships

Any relationship you have in the future can be marred by what you went through with them. As much as you want a healthier relationship, it can be hard to open yourself up again to others.

How to Stop Dating a Narcissist

It is not easy getting out of a relationship with a narcissistic partner, but with the right determination and support, you will be able to get through it and regain your independence and self importance once again.

Create a Plan

Before leaving someone who is abusive, it is good to make a plan of what you want to do. If you’re married and have been enduring abuse for a long time, you’d want to seriously consider the option of divorce. To understand how to chart a suitable course of action, consider reaching out to a Potomac divorce attorney, or one located closer to you. You could, after consultation, gain insight into what you should and shouldn’t do.

If you’re in a live-in relationship with them, you need to think about how they will respond. If they are a physically abusive person, get family and friends around to stand by you as you do it, and ask them to leave the house.

If it is their house, make sure you have somewhere to stay after announcing to them that you are breaking up. Try and pack your things before they come home so you are not going back and forth, giving them a chance to say something to you or attack you. Stick to your plan and tell people you trust.

Keep Supportive People Around You

A narcissist may have got you to cut people off, but now is the time to get them back into your life again so you can get the support you seriously need. You may also want to look into attending support groups that will help you build up your self esteem and self respect again.

It can be hard to get people back into your life, but if they were true friends and family, they would understand and be ready to help you with whatever you needed.

Don’t Hold Onto Any Memories

Anything that they have given you over the years, get rid of it as soon as possible. Do not cling to that relationship. Throw items in the bin or donate them somewhere. They are bad reminders of what you went through and now is the time to move on and find something new and fresh that won’t drag you down. A total clearout will not only help you physically but it will clean your mind.

Get Professional Help

Your mental health would have taken a dive when being with someone who has a narcissistic personality. Seeking a therapist that specialises in this will help greatly to bring up your low self esteem and show you that your self worth is important. Whilst it may be difficult at first, they will be a great light to help you on your path out of the abuse.

Conclusion

Going through a relationship that pulls you down and causes you to feel ashamed and anxious about who you are is not a real relationship. You deserve to be with someone who won’t make a sarcastic comment about how you look or who you are.

Noticing the red flags early can be hard to do if this is a first-time relationship, but hopefully, this article has shown you what happens and how you can get out of it. Whatever they say and do is not your fault, remember that.